wait . . .and murmer not

Wait. It's a word I've seemed to encounter often lately.

I use it with Ava OFTEN through out the day. . . .

"just wait . ..I'm getting your lunch. be patient."

"just wait . . .you don't need to be held right now."

"just wait . . .we'll go outside after you're done eating."

"just wait, be patient . . .we're almost home."

For some reason, I don't have a problem with it when I'm the one using the word "wait." Ava can whine and whine and whine and yet I will continue to remind her that she needs to learn to wait.

I'd especially like it if she could learn to wait . . .and murmer not.

I've had the realization that I am very much like my daughter. I'm learning that I don't struggle when I'm the one using the word wait. I, too, stuggle (ok I flat out whine) when I'm the one who hears it. In fact, I'm sure to God (and occasionally Ryan or any of you others!) I sound as exhausting as Ava does to me when she whines and whines and whines.

I've been hearing wait alot lately.

Sigh. I've been whining alot lately too.

You see sometimes in my conversations with God I have this long list of things I would love to accomplish. The fruits I'd like to see now in my life. The list of "gimme's" I fight wanting now far too often lately. The areas of ministry in my life I would love to be active in now and yet God has clearly said "wait" on.

Yet just like Ava is not going to miraculously be able to fly from her high chair to her swing outside without a little help AND learning to walk herself, I'm not going anywhere without a little help and my own journey to get there.

I have to learn to wait.

That hasn't been easy to swallow for me as of late.

God's been repeatedly showing me lately that I need a new perspective and reshuffling of my list of future goals to become His list of present goals for me.

He's been showing me that I can't keep looking forward at a "someday" ministry and neglect my minsitry of "now" here at home with Ava (ie . . ..my master's and resulting ministries is going to be a very slow process).

He's been showing me that I can't expect the growth without the relationship and time - whether that be in my walk with Him, with the long journey of school still ahead of me or even with friendships.

He's been showing me I can't covet the new things . . .until I can learn to wait and praise Him for the used (and even broken) ones I already have.

It all makes sense in my head. Getting the truth to stick to my heart has been a little harder lately. I don't like to wait. Even worse? I whine and then look at others.

Yet God has also been showing me that I need to trust His timetable for me and not compare it with the timetables of others. That's another battle I think I'll take day by day.

Wait Amber.

Wait.

and did I mention murmer not?