Wednesday, February 20, 2013

When life takes a "pause"

I know I've said it for a while, at times I feel like a broken record.

"Life is crazy."

"One of these days it will slow down . . ."

"Just get through this week. . . "

Yet the reality is that life is crazy.  Life is busy.  Life is heavy for many of us.

Such has been our life this past month.

The daily grind our life naturally holds.

Trying to keep a grasp on priorities and the important stuff amidst limited time tables and availability.

God given responsibilities, opportunities and callings.

The weight of raising a family amidst each child's individual struggles, the importance of a marriage tended and a relationship with God that takes fighting some days to carve out time for.

Hard situations that beg our time and energy.

And then the small detail of a child on the other side of the world that holds half your heart  . . .

It's felt like alot lately.

At times too much.  Beyond me.

Getting through day by day has often been the goal.

And then there are days you receive a gift.  Something to remind you what it's all for and the perspective that is needed.

Today was one of those days.

In the simple sharing of a moment, my friend Tami graced me such a needed gift.

This past fall, Ryan and I were able to do a "just cause" shoot with my fabulously gifted and long time friend Tami.  She's typically a wedding photographer (seriously, if you know someone, pass her name along.  She is living out God's gift in her life) . .but does really limited family shots and then couples photography and had offered a special "just 'cause" session last year that Ryan and I had taken advantage of.  I hadn't known why but just felt like we should and we waited to use it.

Maybe it was the season, maybe it was time stretching on in our adoption journey, but fairly soon I was certain I knew why this session was important to me for us to book.

For each of our girls, we have photos of mommy and daddy waiting for them. The anticipation, the journey, the "growing."

Granted we have chronicled our adoption journey. Photos have been taken each step of the way and we have documented every number closer to our child, the paperwork, the fingerprints . .. the heartaches and heart hopes.

Yet I wanted our child to know the deeper part of our longing.  Of a mommy and daddy who love God first, each other second, and who pray every single night together for the child God will yet bless them with.

I wanted our child to see his/her mommy's and daddy's love story amidst loving his/her creation into our family.

The way our child comes into our family may be different.  The timing may be altered.  Pieces of the story may be unknown.

And yet the same stretching, "growing" and falling in love is just as miraculously written by the God who knows all, creates all and loves all.

It's a miracle story.

One God gets all the glory for and one where He is what sustains us and holds us through it.

Every dollar raised.  Every piece of paperwork signed.  Every day waited.

All part of a miracle story of His calling, His provision and His timing.

And just like with each child I have carried physically, as I  carry this child in my heart, He hears our prayers, our fears and our dreams for our child.

As I looked at picture by picture that Tami took that day, it was as if each picture spoke a reminder of His faithfulness thus far and of His promises to be faithful still.  That our child is held as intimately in the palm of His hand as every one of our three girls that were carried in my womb.  He carries him/her for me and oh I find hope and peace in that.

I can't wait until the day our child's face can grace new pictures . . ..but until then, I'm thankful for ones that speak of His love already so present in our lives.  They whisper that God is still writing a beautiful love story and I can't wait to see its fruition as we press on in the waiting.

From the bottom of my heart, Tam, thanks.

To view some sneak peeks from our session on Tami's photography blog, visit here.