Part 4: If I was having twins again: nursing x 2

Did you really think I'd post a picture of me nursing the girls?

HAH.

This picture is much more pleasant for all. : )

The months I was able to spend nursing the girls I heard many comments that resembled, "I can't believe you're able to nurse two."

And yet, I firmly believe, that with the right steps taken, almost every mommy could nurse two if she wants to . . .and that includes not only the physical parts that need to be in place but the mental/emotional.

Trust me, there is definitely much more than just the physical that has to be taken into account. : )

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Before I begin sharing what I would have found helpful before I nursed the twins, here's one more disclaimer.

Us mommies are good with the guilt complex (and this includes me).

If we didn't nurse we're bad moms.

If we only nursed for 2 weeks we're bad moms.

If we only nursed a couple of months we're bad moms. . . .

Get the point?

So nothing within this post is meant to make any mommy out there feel like something she did/didn't do makes her a bad mom.

I just hear from a lot of expecting moms with twins who want to know how I was able to nurse or my experience with it.

So here goes.

From the moment I found out I was expecting twins, I knew I wanted to do everything I could to make nursing possible.

I was able to nurse Ava for 6 months and from that experience, knew I had to have a game plan.

Nursing took time for the two of us.

I had some physical complications, Ava was a slow eater and it took time for us to get it down.

But with a lot of good information, help, and determination, we stuck it out through the worst, experienced the good and I was so thankful for the experience.

So?

1. Inform those around you that you are wanting to nurse.

From my experience with Ava, I knew just saying I wanted to nurse wouldn't be enough.

Knowing that nursing 2 would be time consuming and exhausting, I made a point to share to immediate family members my desire to nurse exclusively, as I knew my ability to build up a milk supply would be reflected by allowing the girls to nurse as much as possible.

Ryan and I had a conversation one night that pretty much was made up with me sharing that I needed to have him and everyone else behind my decision to only nurse, or in the hard times, I'd probably quit.

When you're exhausted for the umpteenth night in a row and babies needs to eat, if everyone around you is telling you to give them a bottle . . .it's going to be a lot easier to do that.

So I knew I'd need the encouragement to stick to what I wanted, big picture, even in the moments that seemed really hard.

2. Read. Read. READ.

I read through so many books on nursing twins.

It not only helped me feel like I knew something of what to expect, it helped prepare me for some of the realistic problems that could come up.

Nursing twins isn't a given.

Babies can be pre-mature.

Babies can have health complications - which can involve a hospital stay.

Twins usually are smaller - which can mean their sucking abilities aren't very strong/developed.

Sometimes only one baby is home for a while.

And sometimes mom can have complications.

So having already thought through some of those scenarios, and feeling like I knew what I'd ideally like to do given a situation, helped me as some of those did occur.

Plus, I'm the type of person that the more informed I am, the more capable I am of making a decision I'll be happy with tomorrow, when I'm faced with a complication during the night while exhausted and emotional.

I mentioned I read countless books?

None I loved.

Then one night I noticed that the same book kept getting referenced by all these mediocre books.

Brilliant me went out and bought the one referenced . . and I never looked back.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you are even thinking of nursing your twins (or even just pumping), read the book:

Mothering Multiples: Breastfeeding and Caring for Twins or More
by Karen Kerkhoff Gromada

Don't bother with others . . .remember? - they all referenced Karen! : )

Although I'm sure the extra books didn't hurt having read.

3. Buy a twin nursing pillow.

In my personal opinion, this is essential if you are considering nursing your twins.

A bobby doesn't cut it (and truthfully, I didn't like mine even when I was just nursing Ava).

My twin nursing pillow is what allowed me to nurse my girls together. It let me only haul one pillow if we had to go somewhere instead of hauling 3 or 4.

It gave me back support (this sounds small . . .but it's huge).

And it's completely worth the cost (think a week or two's worth of formula).

You can find the one I used here.

While not all nursing positions you can use for nursing twins requires this, I still think it is worth every single penny.

4. Understand there will be sacrifices.

I don't really know how else to say it other than choosing to nurse twins will be hard.

You may remember me saying in a previous post that choosing to nurse my girls meant that I got very little sleep for a period of time and had to rely on others for a lot of extra help.

It's true.

I couldn't take a night off for a full night of sleep.

People couldn't come for the night and take the night shift.

I couldn't nap whenever I wanted.

Because when it came time for a baby to eat . . .it was my turn.

Always.

So you see the need to have a decision and game play in place?

In addition?

You don't nurse two babies at once while out in public modestly.

When nursing Ava, I could throw a nursing cover on and nurse by family, on the plane, in a car, eating out or where ever we were.

You don't do that with twins.

Plus add in the fact that most people haven't seen twins nurse before and you can feel like a spectacle.

So choosing to nurse meant that I didn't go very many places or stay many places very long for the duration of time I was nursing.

That was hard for me.

Yet again, I knew it was a short term sacrifice that was worth it for me.

So be realistic in what choosing to nurse will entail and decide what is most important to you.

4. Know that choosing to nurse may mean you need more help for longer.

I've often said the only reason I, personally, was able to nurse my girls was because of the huge amount of help I received.

My mom was here for probably a month straight early on, a lot of the second and then little bits here and there the next few months.

Ryan's mom took Ava quite a bit while mom was here helping with the babies and was a huge support when my mom had to go back.

My sister helped out with Ava tons.

And other family members and friends were a huge support.

Ava was 19 months old when the twins made their appearance. So she was very high maintenance and not quite ready to spend half a day taking care of herself why I nursed on the couch.

You don't get up and help a child get something when you're nursing two babies at once.

And a 19 month old is not going to sit quietly while mom takes a nap after being up half the night.

So those first 2 months I could not have done it without help for Ava and time for me to nap.

After that, when I was doing more and more afternoons and days on my own, Ava was a teeny bit older, a little more used to her reality and we were able to do it.

Not always beautifully . .. but we got through it.

So consider your level of support and your kids.

I was blessed with a lot of available help.

I know we would have made it being on our own sooner and more often, but I was so thankful to be blessed in such a huge way by those around us.

Well, while we're being honest, most of the time I was thankful. : )

5. As soon as possible, begin pumping in the hospital AND consider renting/purchasing one for yourself at home.

The first day the girls were born, I was talking to the nurses about getting a breast pump in my room and began pumping.

I tend to have a milk supply that is slow in coming.

I also knew with little babies, I didn't have much room to play with their weights as they waited for milk.

So I would pump throughout the days we were in the hospital.

With Ava, my milk took 5 full days to come (It really was more like 5 1/2).

With the twins?

It was 2 days.

The sooner your babies can get milk, the better for them . . .and for their ability to nurse.

Plus?

Pumping allowed me to have extra colostrum on hand if it seemed like either baby needed it.

And bonus?

It helped signal to my body very early that a large milk supply was needed.

The first month, I'd pump every time after I nursed.

And even after that, I'd pump after I nursed a couple times a day.

This allowed me to start building up a supply if the need did arise that I had to be somewhere, we were in an inopportune place or complications came up.

One such?

I was sent into the ER a week after the girls were born with a suspected blood clot.

Luckily, all was ok.

Yet because of the dye given to me for the scan, I couldn't nurse for 24 hours.

Yet they still only received breast milk because of milk I had already pumped and I still kept up my supply.

I came down with thrush which I pumped through and fed the girls bottles until it was cleared up.

My goal was to only give my girls breast milk as much as possible - even for supplementing for weight gain early on.

Pumping made that possible for the 4 1/2 months I nursed.

And?

It made it possible to give them breast milk for a month after I stopped nursing with the milk I had frozen.

Trust me.

The cost of the pump will be worth it very quickly when you consider the cost of what formula would have been the first 5 months of the girls lives.

6. Nutrition is key if you are wanting to nurse twins.

If you are wanting to nurse your twins, now is not the time to diet.

With Ava, I could watch what I ate and still have an adequate milk supply.

I learned very quickly this was not the case with the girls.

As soon as I started to try and cut back for vanity's sake, I'd have fussy girls.

So know that the weight will eventually come off and, for now, your priority is full tummies.

But even the bigger key for a good milk supply?

Drink. Drink. Drink.

Water.

: )

If you are awake, you need to be drinking a cup of water.

I kept a gallon of water always full in the fridge so I could just keep pouring and drinking.

I heard that carbonation and caffeine could affect milk supplies. So while nursing, I didn't drink any type of carbonated or caffeinated drink.

I had fenugreek, an herbal supplement that supports/boost milk supply, on hand if I thought I needed to begin taking it.

Yet I can't stress enough the importance of staying hydrated.

The eating will take care of itself.

I firmly believe that in trying to make sure I had a good enough milk supply for the twins I overate in the beginning.

I couldn't cut back, but I didn't need to over eat either.

The liquids are key . . .

However, even when weight stuck for a long time and the last five - ten pounds have been stubborn . . .if that is the cost of me having been able to nurse my girls, I'd make that mistake over and over again.

and finally?

7. Ask for help early.

Nursing twins isn't always easy.

Let's face it- getting one baby to latch on and nurse well isn't easy.

So neither will it be for two.

Each baby is different.

Mom is different.

And it may take some time and effort for everyone to get in sync.

In the hospital, I was asking for help and input from the nurses and lactation consultants often.

Initially, I nursed the girls separate.

They were so small, I couldn't nurse them together well at all.

Around a month old, they were a little bigger and more proficient at nursing and I was ready to start nursing them together.

You'll want to do this too, as it will open up your free time immensely.

Nursing together is most definately a goal you want to aim for if nursing.

Yet it didn't happen easily for us.

I found a lactation consultant in town that made house calls and she was a huge help in guiding me in how I could improve and make it easier for all of us.

With twins, you're nursing too much to deal with poor latches, bad positioning or complications.

So if something seems wrong, ask!

And if all else fails and there isn't anyone else to ask, feel free to call or email me.

I can't promise I'm an expect, but I'd love to help encourage you or support you if I can.

8. Be determined, but don't be dogmatic.

When I would say I wanted to nurse, that is what I'd often share my goal was.

You see?

Nursing is not the end all.

For myself, I believe it is the first and best choice for my babies.

Yet very early, I told Ryan I needed him to come and tell me if he thought I was taking my determination to nurse and hurting me and my family to do so.

Truthfully?

I probably toed that line a few times.

Sometimes, some choices are outside our control.

Like me having to have a c-section.

I'll spare you all my opinions on that for now though. : )

And yet, despite having to have a c-section, I am blessed with two beautiful, happy and very fun little girls.

I wouldn't trade them for all the natural deliveries in the world.

My goal had been to nurse longer than I did.

Yet? Life.

My grandpa passed away when the girls were a little past 4 months old.

Between the travel, exhaustion, dictated schedule (visitations, funerals, etc) and thrown off schedules for the girls and me, my milk supply hugely dropped.

For the first time, I was having to start supplementing formula quite a bit that week and I wasn't able to maintain a good pumping schedule.

I came home thinking I was going to try and just nurse half the time and allow my milk to adjust.

That first morning home, I got the girls up to nurse and they both refused.

I think they were as frustrated as I was with my altered milk supply and were done.

I fed them bottles, pumped and then went up in bed and just cried.

I told Ryan after having worked so hard to nurse, to have it end in the timing and way it did, felt really hard and emotional.

I did pump for an additional month (a decreasing amount of times a day).

And yet?

It did bring some blessings with it.

My girls got 5 months of great nutrition (90% breast milk).

We started getting more and more of a "normal" life back.

We could stay in church all day.

We could take all the girls out to places like the fair, the mall, or to friends' houses for the evening.

Daddy could take an early morning feeding while mom slept in.

It wasn't how I planned it . . .but it was ok and my girls are none the worse for wear.

That all said?

I really hope I didn't discourage anyone from nursing.

It is exhausting.

But being able to nurse your twins is one of the most rewarding, once-in-a-life time experiences I would never take back.

Our budget appreciated it too. : )

As always, feel free to comment/email me any additional questions here on the blog or at shineon915@yahoo.com.

And if you missed some of my other posts on having twins, you can read them here:

Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Next time?

Baby gear. What I've found to be essential . . .

Part Two - If I was having twins again: The first few months

I almost have to pause to write this post as, truth be told, there are much of the early days that are just one big fog.


You other twin mommies know exactly what I'm talking about.

When the twins were around one month old I went to write in their baby book.

As I started looking at the questions I kind of thought in panic, "I DON"T REMEMBER."

It's actually been one reason I've been so thankful for this blog as it holds a lot of memories and details I doubt I'd recall otherwise and have been able to transfer to the girls' baby books.

So on that note - on with the post! : )

I have good news and bad news about life with brand new baby twins.

Bad news first? The beginning months of having twins were more exhausting than I was prepared for.

The good news? Life reached a level of function much sooner than I anticipated.

I believe in being realistic and honest.

Newborn twins are hard.

There is no way around it.

Twice the babies.

Twice the feedings.

1/3 of the sleep.

Equation doesn't quite seem right - does it!
I have no idea how octomom does it.

And since many newborn twins are smaller than your typical newborn, the transition to better sleeping takes much longer to accomplish.

I don't say any of that to panic you.

But I guess more than anything, I want to help any new mommy-to-be accept that it is ok if it you can't do it on your own for a while.

Newborn twins are constant and exhausting but with the right help and expectations in place, you CAN and WILL do a great job!

I'm going to share some of things Ryan and I did as a part of our life with twins and what worked/didn't for us.

Please read all of it through a filter of "this worked for us."

Every family and every baby(ies) are different and we all have different philosophies when it comes to babies.

And much of our experience with twins came alongside the fact that I was breastfeeding, which does add a whole new element to the experience.

But I'm saving all that for my next post.

So with that said . . .

First?

The hospital experience.

Eat it up.

Soak it in.

Enjoy it.

Much of me feels like when it came to Kate and Olivia as newborn babies, my time in the hospital was largely the only time I had nothing to do but snuggle, soak them in and marvel.

Ava was taken care of.

Undone household chores weren't staring me in the face.

Moving from the upstairs to downstairs after a c-section wasn't an issue.

It was just Ryan and I and our babies (and fun visitors!).

So use that time to snuggle and get acquainted as much as possible. You won't regret a second of it.

Second? Coming home holds lots of dynamics (or did for me).

The miracle of two is both a wonder and a hardship.

I had read, in many of the books I'd gone through, that bonding can sometimes be an issue for moms with twins.

I wasn't prepared for that to be true for myself but it was.

From the instance I saw my little girls I loved them without a doubt.

But I wasn't quite prepared for this dynamic of feeling like anytime I picked up one, I felt like I was "choosing" to not pick up the other.

Or the fact that the caring would feel so constant at times or that I didn't have that constant desire to snuggle them like I had with Ava (which was emphasized with feeling like one twin always got the "rough end of the stick").

Or even just the fact that I didn't really have the opportunity, time or energy to snuggle them like I had Ava.

On top of it all?

Put a 19 month old and two newborn babies together and a 19 month old will win every time in the fight for attention.

And a lot of that is ok and completely normal.

The twins were not hurting if it was daddy, a grandma, aunt or cousin snuggling them instead of mommy while Ava was.

I can remember long ago, when my sisters were having their kids, my mom telling them that a baby will not remember having to cry for a little bit. An older child will.

So I did make a conscious choice to, as much as possible, to spend available downtime with Ava if I could.

But a realistic consequence of it?

While I knew I loved my girls, I didn't feel as much of that lovey, dovey "in love" that I had experienced with Ava.

About month into the twins being home, I was talking to my sister about it.

A month of constant help, lack of personal space and no sleep was catching up and I was finding I was much more emotionally vulnerable, snappy and just resenting anyone in my way.

We are being honest here - right?

I had an "AHA" moment.

I realized that for a month solid, I was doing "all" the work when it came to the twins.

Because I was breastfeeding, no one could take a feeding for me.

I had been on a 24 hour, 3 hour feeding cycle for a month straight that looked like:

feed babies, change diapers, pump, stuff food and water down, try to give Ava 10 minutes of quality of time (if she was home), occasionally shower, until I finally crashed into bed to try and sleep for an hour/hour and a half.

Repeat.

On a really good stretch I got 2 hours of sleep. : )

So I felt the exhaustion of the twins, but none of the sit down, snuggle and soak them in fun.

Don't get me wrong.

I chose to breastfeed and given the choice, I'd choose to again.

It just definately adds a dynamic of further exhaustion when it comes to twins.

But if I had to do over, I think I would change some things.

I think I'd try and take one baby to bed with me for a nap every so often to snuggle instead of being so dogmatic they had to be in their cribs.

Given, I still wouldn't let them be snuggled for all their naps as I am a big believer in getting twins to self soothe early.

But one nap a day for each of them wouldn't have ruined it.

I'd be a little more intentional of asking to keep a baby after I fed them instead of handing them off to whoever was over helping.

After a while, at times, I almost found myself resenting others for being able to enjoy my babies more than me.

How's that for honest?

Yet the bonding and feelings do come.

But you quickly get a picture of why help is so essential with newborn twins.

Because no where in that daily routine do you hear time for laundry, cleaning, cooking or rational thought.

Ok, I added that last one in there.

But it's kind of true.

That all is one reason I couldn't be more thankful for two incredible grandma's and a world-class, hands on daddy/husband.

They were a constant source of help and support while absorbing my emotional rollercoaster rides.

That is no small feat and I have tears in my eyes as I try to imagine my life without any of them.

They have, and continue to, bless me and are the biggest reason my life is as functional today as it is.

But you see the need for grace.

LOTs of grace.

Enough with the emotions - practical stuff?

1. I needed help with Ava as much, if not more, than I needed help with the twins or the house.

She was my wildcard as, at 19 months old, she was still very needy and constant energy. So having help with her was my biggest need especially with my level of energy/functioning.

So if you are expecting twins, and have older kids, having them taken care of would be my greatest priority if help is limited in any way. While I tried to keep Ava's life somewhat routine, she did spend many nights or days at Gpa's and Gma's.

It was kind of funny, the days I just had the twins, felt almost easy.

The day I would have thought twins seemed "easy." : )

It's all in what you know - huh?!

2. Sleep WHENEVER you can.

It becomes a bit of a two edged sword because me needing to sleep as much as I could (and NEEDING the sleep) was part of why I didn't get as much quality time in with the twins or Ava for that matter.

But it is essential.

Sleep doesn't return to you as fast when you have twins in the house and you need to give you mind, body and heart the chance to rejuvenate as much as possible.

Your children, husband, and family will all thank you.

I'm sure my whole family shudders to imagine me with even less sleep than I got. : )

The bonding will comes, the fun is there, and YOU WILL get to a point you aren't constantly needing to catch up on sleep. So for now, you need to take care of you so you can care for others.

3. Get your babies on a schedule as soon as possible.

I'm a HUGE believer in Baby Wise.

The whole idea behind Baby Wise is establishing a routine that creates stability and content babies (and mommies!) who understand what to expect from their day. If babies know what's going to happen next, they transition well, sleep well and are happier. And if mommy knows what to expect - well we all know that makes a happy mommy AND home! : )

Baby Wise encourages you to create a distinction between day and night. So during the day, you wake the baby up and keep them on a schedule. At night, you let them sleep and they learn a routine.

It also encourages helping babies learn to put themselves to sleep which, while it blessed me with Ava, has been a HUGE blessing having TWO munchkins needing to go to bed.

Trying to rock two babies asleep for each nap and at night would take time from my day I don't have.

Baby Wise also has a small multiples sections that helps addresses the extra dynamics involved.

One applicable reality of our situation?

Since I was breastfeeding and wanting to build my supply up, I wasn't wanting to supplement with formula.

So for close to 2 months, I kept the twins largely on a constant 3 hour schedule, often even during the night, so I wouldn't have to supplement with formula.

I wasn't wanting to do this at the expense of their weight so I did it at the expense of my sleep. (Brilliant - huh?! : ) )

After their weights, and weight gains, were more solid, I started really letting them stretch at night.

They have always slept in the same room and we did not run to get a crying baby out.

As a result?

Unless it is the end of a nap, they have rarely ever woken each other up.

It is SO tempting to do that in the beginning.

You are exhausted.

And the thought of another baby waking up is excruciating.

Yet as much as you are able, let them go.

There are exceptions and we definately made some (nothing is black and white when it comes to parenting).

But overall, we kept an idea of what we wanted, self-soothers to sleep, and I am so blessed by it today.

It took longer than Ava took but we did get there.

So see - while the beginning is rough, you CAN and WILL get there.

Around 2 months old I remember thinking, "I can't function like this any longer."

I had once heard someone say around 3 months is a big turning point for twins.

It is.

It was shortly before then the twins started settling into longer chunks at night where I would get functionable stretches of sleep.

Glimpses of a routine started appearing in my day.

Ava knew what to expect.

The girls started acting like they knew what to expect.

Ryan and I had more of a system down.

And we started to move from wondering if we were going to be able to do this to knowing, by God's grace, we could and we would.

At 6 1/2 months old, the girls sleep all night from 8:30 - 7:30 with good naps during the day. They are happy to go in their beds, go to sleep on their own and wake up happy and content. I am SO blessed.

How your twins sleep will hugely impact your days. It's worth pursuing.

Keep a schedule when it comes to feeding as well.

In our home, anytime one twin woke up to eat, the other girl got woken up as well.

With as time consuming and constant as taking care of twins is, I can't fathom trying to maintain two different eating/sleeping schedules.

Even to this day, the girls always eat and go down for naps at the same times.

Kate is a better sleeper than Olivia, so many times, Olivia wakes up first and I do get her up. I don't expect them to sleep the same length of times always. But with the rare exception of one very fussy twin, they always go down together.

It's just one more way of keeping routine to our days and giving me periods of planned down time.

4. Start getting out.

If I had to pick what has been the hardest part of twins for me it is by far being limited in going out or connecting with others and Ryan.

In the beginning months, going out really isn't an option at all outside of doctor's appointments and church.

For health reasons AND logistical reasons.

You don't have time to chat on the phone or spend long amounts of time emailing.

Between exhaustion, kids, and others in our home, alone time with Ryan was largely non-existent with the exception of sleeping next to eachother.

So I, pretty quickly, felt pretty cut off from the world and others.

I think I was cut somewhat off guard by this so I want to be forthright.

It's never fun to feel like the world goes on without us but it is true.

And it was hard for me.

Yet my point in sharing this is to tell you that it will improve and much quicker than you think.

But some of that will be up to you.

I can remember around 3 - 4 months realizing that we didn't have any big obstacles standing in our way to go out and about anymore: health, schedule, exhaustion.

Ok, exhaustion can still be an issue sometimes. : )

Yet facing the thought of going out with two babies can be daunting.

It's alot of gear, alot of supplies and alot of attention from random strangers.

Please emphasize alot of attention from random strangers. I'm still not used to that.

Yet you need to do it.

Ryan and I made a decision pretty early that we were making a choice to continue to participate in life as much as was healthy for us.

Ava needed life to go on.

I needed life to go on.

We needed life to go on.

So while it takes much longer to get out and can be complicated we do it.

Both when I'm with Ryan, as a family, and on my own.

And I promise the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

And the more you do it, the more adaptable the kids become in going along.

Plus, what it does for you mentally is fully worth it in itself.

That said - Ryan and I still refuse to take the 3 kids out to eat by ourselves (although we do love the rare opportunity to go out to eat WITHOUT them ; ) ).

And I don't have any plans to take all 3 kids grocery shopping by myself anytime soon.

I think we'll wait on that one for a LONG while yet. : )

5. It is ok to express yourself honestly . . .even if it feels like what you want changes daily : )

With the demands of twins and lots of extra bodies in your home, it will be hard at times.

But you will bless those helping you, and yourself, if you can be as honest as possible with what you need.

Some days, I was so exhausted, it felt like a huge gift to have someone entertain and have fun with Ava as I slept whenever I could.

Other days?

It felt hugely emotional and hard to finish feeding the twins and watch someone else go off and have fun with Ava instead of me.

It took me a while before I finally learned to start expressing that I occasionally wanted to be the one to head out on a walk with her, take her to the park or read books with her.

Poor Ryan would get a phone call with an emotional wife on the other end.

People can't know how to best help you unless you tell them.

So be willing to be honest.

It made such a difference for me when I started pushing myself to share my needs, for that day, more often.

6. BE WILLING TO LIVE WITH A LOT OF GRACE FOR YOURSELF, YOUR SPOUSE, and YOUR KIDS.

I was just re-reading over what I've written and thought, "Good grief, I sound like a know-it-all who thinks she has it all figured out." : )

Please know such is not the case.

My favorite story to tell is how one day, Ryan came home from work to find Ava had been sent to her room, the twins were playing with their toys and I was all tears.

He quickly proceeded to ask me, "Was Ava rough today?"

no.

"Have the twins been crabby?"

no.

"what's wrong?"

To what I promptly sputtered out between tears, "IT"S . . .just . . . my. . . life . . ."

Don't smile.

Ok you can. It's kind of funny.

There are days that seem long, constant and exhausting.

Life with twins is constant.

Yet in between it all are many days that now seem blissfully "normal."

Whatever normal means that is. : )

We do have more good days than bad around here.

So having grace to give yourself and each other will make the rough days much fainter in your memory and help the good days stand out.

Sorry for yet one more novel.

And as always, if you have more specific questions you'd like me to answer directly, please feel free to email me at shineon915@yahoo.com

Blessings!

Part One - So if I was having twins again: Pregnancy!

Wow - I just uploaded the picture of myself 37 weeks pregnant with the twins and just had to stop, pause and take a moment. : )
There is absolutely NOTHING in the world that can prepare you for finding out you are expectings twins.

And I even joked about it/half suspected it with how I felt and looked.

You still never think it will happen to you (I can't fathom what it feels like to hear triplets/quads or anything else for that matter too!).

It's the most extreme of all emotions.

Disbelief.

Overwhelmed.

In love.

Panicked. : )

In the matter of minutes and over the next couple of weeks, the entire guantlet of emotions gets traveled.

Yet one thing remains for certain as I look back on the experience.

Carrying twins was, by far, one of the most unique, miraculous, difficult and unforgetable experiences of my life.

I like to say it was a ONCE in a lifetime experience. : )

Very quickly, in our twin pregnancy, I was blessed by those around me.

Why?

I come from a church/family/friends that has known lots of twins.

So while, yes, I heard quite often, "Oh, poor you . . .etc" when someone discovered I was pregnant with twins who would be only 18 months younger than my daughter, I also heard lots of "HOW EXCITING" from individuals who truly meant it.

I can't tell you how much that blessed me.

It helped me choose joy, choose excitement and choose thankfulness even in the times I could feel overwhelmed by the prospect of 3 kids 2 and younger, the financial costs, or the extra worries/work that accompany twins and the pregnancy.

I can remember a conversation with Ryan when I shared, "I have a choice. I can choose to dread the next couple years of my life or I can choose to embrace it. I am determined not to just "grit and get through" years I will never get back. I don't want to live that way."

This helps me set up my #1 encouragment for if I was having twins again.

Enouragement #1: Choose Excitement.

Why?

When it comes to multiples of any number, there is always something to overwhelm you.

(although isn't that true about mommyhood in general?)

But how hard the coming months of pregnancy may feel will have a lot to do with your state of mind about it.

Carrying twins isn't easy.

But few people get that experience and I wanted to do everything I could to be grateful and proactive.

That said, let me deal with some realities and what was helpful for me! : )

A twin pregnancy accelerates and exaggerates the entire pregnancy experience.

You grow faster.

You tire easier.

You gain more weight.

You get more looks (and not the "oh, how cute" type).

You cry more. - oh wait, maybe that was just me.

Yet we live in a world that doesn't slow down.

After having a very active pregnancy with Ava, I realized pretty quickly this time around was different.

And that was hard on my "I do it my self" pride (ahh, maybe 2 year old Ava and I have lots in common).

I didn't want to have to slow down or accept help.

Yet you have to.

So encouragement #2?

Slow down.

Encouragment #3?

Educate yourself.

When I found out I was having twins, I dove into books (although that tends to be my personality).

Friends gave me some, I found others and I didn't stop my entire pregnancy.

I am a personality, though, that can get through most anything, if I feel like I understand it.

So knowing what was healthy for my body, my babies and how I could best prepare for them helped me so much when the process seemed just hard, overwhelming or never ending.

If I had to pick two books to read before your own twins arrive?

1. Mothering Multiples: Breastfeeding & Caring for Twins or More by Karen Kerkhoff Gromada (third edition). If you are considering breastfeeding EVEN A LITTLE, you need to buy this book. I call it the bible for breastfeeding multiples. I knew I wanted to try and breastfeed and after quite a few "mediocre" books, I noticed this book kept getting referenced. So I finally bought this one myself and never looked at another. It's fully informative and encouraging without the dogmatic push that some breastfeeding books can have that leave you feeling like a failure if it doesn't work out.

2. When You're Having Twins, Triplets, or Quads by Dr. Barbara Luke. I really liked how this helps a mom understand what she CAN do about taking care of herself while carrying twins. It provides lots of helpful advice without the doomsday approach I felt some books had as far as preterm labor and twins. It really helps with nutrition and weight gain which is important since the bulk of weight gain with twins needs to be in the first half of pregnancy as opposed to the back half for optimal baby growth.

Although when looking up this last book I found this site with a longer list of recommended books that could be helpful too:
http://multiples.about.com/od/toppicks/tp/aatpbooks.htm

Encouragement #4?

Listen to your body.

Putting everything else aside, carrying your babies as long as possible is your NUMBER ONE goal.

Overall, I had a very healthy and "easy" twin pregnancy.

Yet my doctor cut out all unneccesary activity around 24 weeks, I believe it was.

It was also shortly after that when he told me he didn't even want me on my feet for cooking beyond absolute essentials.

Yet when the guilt came as I looked at a messy home or our carryout/simple freezer meal, I had to keep reminding myself what my goal was: babies coming home with me from the hospital.

Over and over, that is what I'd have to remind myself.

By the end, I was so uncomfortable on my feet that even though I wasn't "officially" on bedrest, I half lived like I was. : )

Bottom line? eat when you need to, lay down all you need to, and accept help whenever it is offered.

So what practical things can you do to help the process/prepare?

1. Invest in a maternity belt. I pretty much lived in mine the entire last half of the pregnancy. It helped so much with carrying the extra weight around and with my back.

2. Make lots of freezer meals during your second trimester. These are NOT for after babies. These are for the end of your pregnancy. I had just happened to start making them for after the babies and had my meals pretty well cleared out by the times babies arrived. But it helped us eat a little more nutritiously and inexpensively when I didn't have the ability or energy to cook in the end.

3. Nap whenever you can and let someone else do what needs to be done. Your job is carrying babies. Period. If during this period of your life, your husband or someone else does all the cleaning, cooking, laundry . . ..IT IS OK.

4. Start talking through expectations/visions for after the babies come with the people you know will be your largest support/help at home now.

We had people scheduled at our house SOLID (24/7) the entire first month, pretty much most of the second month, still 3 days a week the third month and 2x a week the fourth (Aren't I spoiled?!?! I'm so thankful). That isn't everyone's experience but with Ava being 19 months old and me nursing, I couldn't have nursed without that kind of help.

However, that isn't much personal space. So talking through some of the details now will make it easier then. Even just who can do what/when or what you would prefer. Starting the dialogue now will make it easier for when changes come or are needed after babies come and you're tired and emotional. : )

5. Last but not least? ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT PROGESTERONE SHOTS. My doctor's practice is to give these shots to all high-risk pregnancies every week starting at 18 weeks because he has seen such a huge difference with them in his patients. They help relax your muscles, prevent pre-term labor and are a HUGE help with ligament pain.

I got my shots every tuesday starting at 15 weeks due to awful ligament pain. Without fail, by sunday night or monday before I would get my shot, I'd notice ligament pain and braxton-hicks contractions. I'm convinced the shots played a huge part in me carrying the girls to term.

Not fun, but oh so worth it. : )

I could go on and on (and already have), but more than anything I want other moms carrying twins to know you can do it, even enjoy parts of it, and survive it!

I'm more than happy to answer more specifics from my own experience. Leave me a question or feel free to email me at shineon915@yahoo.com.

so life with twins?

Eversince I was pregnant with the twins, and even more so since they came along, I have known SO many others who are expecting twins or personally know of people expecting twins.

I've considered writing a couple blog posts on "if I was having twins again . . ." and share some things I'd do/wouldn't do again, items I've found extremely helpful/useless or just over all nonsense about life with twins.

After all, having 6 month old twins does make me an expert - right?! ; )

HAH!

Far from it.

I learn from lots of failure and succeed with lots of help.

And if you want expertise from those who are much further ahead of me, I can send you to some FABULOUS people whose lives are inspiration to me in my current stage of twinhood!

So the point to this post (there is one, I promise)?

Are there any questions you have or things you've wondered but never dared ask?

I'd love to know!